It is bad enough to struggle and hurt when there seems to be absolutely no help available. But what if there was a way to get help? Today I am writing about a source of pain that many of us deal with…codependency. One of the downsides to codependency is that we don’t want anyone to know we are codependent or we ourselves don’t know we are codependent. Sometimes everyone around us knows we are codependent except us!
Let’s start with the basics: what is codependency? You can find a dozen definitions that try to define or describe codependency. Here is my attempt to define and describe it. Codependency refers to the mental, emotional, physical and/or spiritual reliance on a partner, friend or family member. True, we all rely on others and that can be a good thing. That is not what we are talking about here.
Codependency is usually a learned behavior that is passed down from generation to generation. Some people call it “relationship addiction”. The term codependency is often used to describe a relationship where a person is needy or dependent on another person. The codependent can fall into a pattern of planning their entire life around pleasing the other person or being an enabler. Codependency makes it difficult to have a healthy, satisfying relationship where both people are equally and mutually committed to one another. Often your mood, happiness and even your identity are defined by the other person and your codependent relationship.
So why write about this? First, I want to plant the seed that help is available. That alone can be difficult because it is hard to help someone who does not know or realize they need help. Second, I want to help us see the additional value of Celebrate Recovery. Too often we hear the response that Celebrate Recovery is for people with alcohol or drug issues. It is, of course, for them but it is also for a whole host of other hurts, hang-ups and habits. Living with an addict or an abusive person has its own set of challenges. To face them alone make the journey even more difficult. There is help available. Many of us that attend Celebrate Recovery do so not because of alcohol or drugs, but because we struggle with other issues like codependency. My walk with Jesus has so helped me but I can still fall into the old habits of the flesh and trying to do it on my own. I have to remember there is help: spiritual help through daily prayer, Bible study, meditation; emotional help through sharing with those on a similar journey; physical help through exercise; and mental help through professional counselors.
What if help was available? It is, by God’s good grace, it is. My plans are to teach a 4 week course on Codependency on Sunday nights in July. I will write a few more articles about codependency. Whether you are codependent or want to know more about codependency, these four weeks might be helpful to you. Help is available!
Pastor Tom
